Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
only if we run a train.
done.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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