Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
