dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the day after is always just damage control
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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