yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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