also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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