Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
