i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
