just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
