You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize