She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he was CRYING into my vagina
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
