omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
