Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
