Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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