This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize