you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
