Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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