They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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