currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
