vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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