she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
