I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
