im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
