I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
