Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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