Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
