You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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