Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
