I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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