And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
