I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
