DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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