you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
