Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
