worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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