i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
