your thong is hanging out like whoa
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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