this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
