Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
