It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
