I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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