I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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