So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
