he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
