Ambien. No doubt about it.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
