Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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