wat bout pragnant strippers??
I am spending my child support on dildos
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
