I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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