i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
