I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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