I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Two words: blizzard sex
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
