Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
