mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
