i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
