What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
