That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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