I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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