I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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