I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
