also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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