I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
