okay pat passed out under dana's car
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
