Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
