it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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