wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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