"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize