I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
