My friends, they love my intelligence
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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