i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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