i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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