This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
