If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I currently don't understand fingers.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
