WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
